I Met My Perfect Guy, Until…
After quite some apprehension from my end about the concept of getting married, for losing all your sense of individuality and freedom for the man of your life, I actually came across a really nice guy through a matrimonial site.
Staying in Chicago, pursuing his PhD, he had a heart of gold. We clicked almost instantaneously as we shared the similar views of life and priorities. He was a traveller, I was an adventure seeker, I was a blogger and he was a writer, he loved to hike, I loved to trek, he loved museums and I loved their architecture, and the similarities just kept flowing in. We started chatting, and continued doing so all day long. We found ourselves literally living in two time zones. Separated by a time difference of 10 and a half hour, I found myself always thinking, what he might be doing at his time, while keeping an eye on my watch.
As the time passed, we started talking on phone, and when we were not, we were either texting each other or waiting for the other one to wake up. He was honest beyond comprehension and didn’t cringe from opening up to me about his dreams and fears. And he almost took my heart away when he showed his philanthropic side to me, knowing he was all the support I needed from a partner, for my long term aim to give back to the society. I believed maybe it was for him, that my wait for the perfect guy was worth it.
Within 7 days, we were discussing marriage, honeymoon destinations and planning up on how and when to get the families involved. We discussed about my career options and how he would support me with that. He also proposed to fly down to India to meet me and talk my parents through it.
Soon, we decided moving to the next phase and Skype. The first time we were about to see each other, and I remember being as excited as a teenager falling in love for the first time. It was almost a 2 hour video call where we discussed our families, movies, TV shows, his college, courses I could take up there, prepared travel bucket lists, and what not. He remained shy though out and didn’t look at me much; I knew I had to be the confident one to wave off the awkwardness. Afterall, we were meant to be each other’s support system.
As the call ended, I knew something was missing. The video call wasn’t as exciting as our day and night long chats. It was 2:12 am in India, I had office the next day and yet there was some hollowness that I couldn’t ignore. I carefully drafted a message, not too depressing, not too desperate, just a simple, ”Can’t sleep”. He was quick to reply with, “Okay, I have to be honest with you; there are certain things I wanted to say”. I remained calm, not knowing that in the next few minutes, my thoughts and beliefs were about to turn upside down.”
Don’t judge me, although you are entitled to. And I may be a really shallow person. I would be honest; it is about the skin colour! Not consciously, but subconsciously, I am attracted to fairer skin. After I saw you face to face today on Skype, I didn’t find you as attractive to me as before. Who am I to say, I am not attractive myself, but just wanted to be honest about it”.
I was in utter disbelief. I couldn’t come to terms with what I just read. A guy so open minded, so qualified, staying in the most developed country of the world still has a crippled mindset residing in him. I was shaken from the core, as all my understanding of him in the last 10 days, suddenly looked so delusional. Following this were a series of diplomatic and hypocritical messages saying how great was the connection he shared with me, and all the lucks he wished me, and how I deserve a really better guy as he clearly found no physical attraction for me.
He ended it all by apologizing and that I shouldn’t cry over him. The fact is, I wouldn’t, why would I, it was never my fault, it was him, he was diseased. And I? I was hurt, I was appalled. Although I appreciate his honesty while he was upfront with his communication, than keep me wondering, that after each piece in place, what went wrong; but that doesn’t exactly ease the pain. I would have expected this from anyone but him. He seemed so sensible and unconventional to me. His basic criteria, as his profile mentioned, was standing for what was right. This didn’t seem right to me. I stood for what was right and suggested that it was time that he gets cured.
It surprises me, that standing in the 21st century; a person living in a progressive surrounding can still possess these typical inhibitions. That skin-colour shaming still exists and people still portray the notion of fairness as a prime measure of beauty, success, desirability and more. I always thought it was compatibility that makes a marriage successful, didn’t know fairness is a factor capable of turning the table around and I don’t know which is more groan-inducing.
I fell for him, got hurt, and stood back!
And when I think,” Was he really worth waiting for?” I almost immediately, hear myself say, ”No, but the lessons were”.