In today’s world, where sexism is at its peak, being a woman almost seems like a bane. Well almost. But no really. With absurd comments, comes the permission to give apt comebacks. The number of people who have preposterous notions about women are in abundant and growing by the hour.
Here are a few common yet weird comments and questions women all over the world have come across and how you should answer them.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this show is not at all fictionalized. Any resemblance to any character or event or story in this post is purely evil and not at all co-incidental.
1. When older women complain about your skin color.
“Beta, no one wants a dark girl. Apply lemon juice with a teaspoon of sugar. You will be fair”
Thank you aunty, for your unnecessary advice. But maybe you could drink that lemon juice with sugar? Maybe it will brighten your filthy judgements?
2. When your weight is everyone’s business
“Try the GM diet. You will lose all your love handles.”
Oh dear. And what have I got to try to lose you from my sight?
3. When they don’t understand what it means to compliment.
“Why do you get irritated? The guy was checking you out and singing that song. Admit it that it is flattering in a way!”
Seriously brother, you need help. Maybe even cognitive behavioral therapy. You need heavy medication to get rid of your delusions.
4. The Clock From Hell
“Get married already! Your clock is ticking. You won’t be able to have kids.”
Oh, if its about the kids, I do not need to get married for that. LOL.
5. Baby is baby
“Oh it is a girl? Next time hang upside down. You will conceive a boy. It worked for me”
Oh no it is okay. With your thinking, God knows your boy would need more girls to teach him proper manners.
6. On your driving skills
“Wouldn’t it be safer if you just let me drive?”
Actually it would be way safer for you if you just got out of my car and far away from me. Could save your legs and your male ego.
7. Watch your words.
“Ssshh! Lower your voice. You cuss too much for a girl.”
*glares* I will beat yo ass. I WILL BEAT THE BLOODY SHIT OUTTA YOU.
8. Sacred People
“Women in India are sacred. They should not show skin.”
And men like you should not see the light of day. Run along, or this sacred Goddess is going to curse the bejesus out of you.
9. Drink Choices
“Please get me a beer and some vodka cocktail for the lady.”
Actually, I’ll just have a patiala peg on the rocks. Thanks.
10. Workplace Prejudices
Co-worker: “I think let’s hire the man. This girl is of marriageable age and she could get married any day.”
Me: “So? She still have more years of experience.”
C: “Yeah. But what if she gets married and goes away to live with her husband?”
M: *rolls eyes* “When the hell are you going to go away? No seriously. I hope you get sacked very soon!”
11. Hairstyle woes
“Don’t cut your hair short. You don’t want to look like a boy.”
If only your opinion about my looks mattered. You know it isn’t worth even a penny. Right?
“Girls should not be picky”
Said who? Must be a mindless standardless bastard like you.
Me: “I am the senior vice-president of the company.”
Aunty: “But beta, settle kab hona hai?”
Me: “Auntyji, I am already more settled than your whole family can ever be.”
14. The F word
“Why are you acting like a feminist?”
Well, why are you acting like a total douche-bag?
15. Bloody Women
“Why are you being so sensitive? Is it that time of the month?”
Actually it is that time of the day when the universe regrets the day you were born.