A dog will always love you more than itself. At least for most people. In my second year of college, my flatmate and I decided to adopt a pooch, because… no reason at all. We just love dogs. So after carefully looking through online ads, we found a little pug— Bebo. She was small for her age, energetic and soon to be the sun and moon of my life(she did not know that back then). My mother had never allowed me to keep a dog back at home, so I did not know what to expect to have a dog and take care– feed it, bathe it and take it for potty breaks.
Pugs are pampered and lazy. Bebo was quick to believe that she was the queen of the house and we were her subjects. We bonded, and mostly I was not ready for all those absurd but mostly cute situations that I had to deal with everyday.
1. When I had to give her a bath.
The first time I tried to bathe her, I fell down and almost broke my head on the tap. Her dislike for water and how she’d manage to run around the slippery bathroom floor without actually getting hurt. While its funny to watch her slip and slide around the tiles, I fear for my life while doing this chore.
The headline would read, ‘Girl falls to death in bathroom while bathing dog.’
2. Sleeping Position
A dog, like its tail, can never sleep in a straight line. I would never find Bebo in the same place as she slept last night. Somehow, her butt would be right beside my face; and I kid you not, dogs fart too. Then she’d lie down between my thighs over the blanket and somehow, I cannot move in my sleep. Though sometimes, she cuddles and that is the best thing in the world.
3. In. No Out. No IN. No OUTT.
There are times, she cannot decide if she wants to be in the room or out of it. It is so annoying when she wakes me up from deep sleep so that I can let her out, but then she’d want to come in the room, the moment I hit the bed again. And God forbid, I do not let her in. She’d whine, bite, cry and maul at my door until sweet Jesus would resurrect and open the God damn door.
4. Hair and hair, everywhere.
How is the hair everywhere except on the dog? It’s like wearing black garments are a crime if you have a fawn dog. Especially pugs, Bebo sheds more hair in my house than the sun sheds light on the world.
5. When she can’t find the perfect spot to pee
While other dogs are not as fussy about it, pug owners would totally get it. A pug needs to perfect place that deserves her poo/pee. She’d go round and round at one place, until she shreds all my hopes and moves on to the next spot. Why don’t you just poop at once Beb?
6. When she uses the ‘Puppy Dog Eye’ spell
I don’t know who taught her this trick, but Bebo would lay on her best puppy face while I am eating. I swear the dog looks like she has been starving for days. It is so difficult to eat then; like the food won’t go down my throat so I submit and give it to her anyway. This struggle is real guys.
7. ‘Who wants to go for a walk?’
Want to troll a dog? Pick up its leash and walk towards the door and then drop and sit down. I swear the anticipation of going out for a walk makes her nuts. As a note of warning, your dog might start sulking until you actually take her out.
8. Shit Happens
The world’s most embarrassing moment is when she goes ahead and poops somewhere absurd, like a food joint or in the middle of a busy road.
9. When I irritate the hell outta her
She tries biting, but she IS a pug and her bites are actually cute.
10. When she is pickier about food than Gordon Ramsey
The variety of food that I have to cook especially for her is exhausting; but she did starve herself for two days straight because there wasn’t enough chicken gravy with her rice.
11. When the house smells like a dump
People who do not like dogs would hate the smell that hit them as they entered my house. It is just ordinary dog smell, but they’d act as if they have walked into a sewage treatment system.
12. Welcome Hooman!
It is the best part of my day. She is the happiest dog in the world when I get home after a long day. She’ll jump, dance, run and cartwheel around the house.. well almost.
13. Butt smelling contest
That is what dogs so when they meet new dogs. It is a gross way of introducing oneself; don’t you think?
14. Awkward licking contest
Why is it that dogs lick their nether regions right when we have guests over? And then to my chagrin, she would come running to lick my face. Grossest moment ever. But for the love of God I cannot get her off of me.
15. When vacations are awful
It is the worst feeling. You want to go for that long vacation you have been planning for, but at the same time you do not want to leave your dog with your friend. Why can’t they just allow dogs everywhere?
16. When I pet a stray
17. When she throws things for you to fetch
A fidgety dog is the worst thing your home decor could ask for. A kick here and a wag there, you find yourself catching and balancing breakable objects like a pro.
18. When she is unwell
I have an old doge. So frankly, whenever she gets ill, I get so tensed that I reach the edge of insanity. I’m sure this happens to all you doggy-mommas.
19. Attention Hog
She loves all the attention people give her(loving or scared); Also, my guy friends use her as a ‘chick-magnet’. Idiots. Smart. But Idiots.
If you are in my house and you are annoyed by my dog or you don’t like her; feel free to leave and never come back. Period.